Happily ever after

Cater to me!

2010-07-07T10:21:00.001-07:00

New Vendor Alert!

If you are having an event in the Chattanooga/ N. GA Area you need to check out Catch Catering. This company is affordable AND creative. You can get more information by e-mailing catchchattanooga@gmail.com with your specific event needs!

P.s. hiring an outside caterer is a great way to save money as opposed to going with a venue that requires you to use it's catering services! F&B (food and beverage) is typically one of the highest wedding expenses.

"All women are crazy and neurotic & if you find one that you're constantly happy with you'll one day discover that she's a man."

2010-06-30T09:36:00.000-07:00

So last weekend, while working one of my many jobs (oh, you just thought I was a wedding coordinator, psh!) I met a guy who proceeded to tell me his current life story. He had been married for 3 years and was filing for divorce. At first, he was very nonchalant about it and told me it was the right thing for him to do. She was a crazy, neurotic bitch and they hadn't been happy for a while.

My advice? "All women are crazy and neurotic, and if you find one that you're constantly happy with you'll probably one day discover that she's a man."

Okay, so maybe it wasn't Dr. Phil grade advice, but my point got across. The grass isn't always greener.

"So, divorce her. Find another woman that makes you giddy inside and call me up 3 years from now and tell me how it's going. It's going to be the same bullshit, but with a brand new person. Relationships are hard. Love is hard. You have to work at it constantly. Everyone has flaws."

I think my point was made that night. But he isn't the only one. I see a lot of couples that I coordinate weddings for filing for divorce. People I know and love are filing for divorce. All because the "grass is greener". I just hope they have someone there to comfort them when they realize that it isn't. I'm not judging. We all have moments where we think of how different things would be if we had taken a different path. The variation is that some people act on it and others don't. Some people get caught, some people wise up. I think the very misconception that fuels this behavior is that love is easy. It isn't. LOVE IS HARD. Loving other people is hard to do. Loving them with their flaws, their neurosis, their pain in the ass habits is HARD.

Sometimes, divorce is the right thing to do. You should never be abused by the one you love. Your CHILDREN should NEVER be abused by the one you love (or anyone for that matter). Affairs are never okay, but I think you can even recover from that if you try. Yes, everyone deserves to be happy, but unless this person underwent a radical personality change (which can happen when addictions and abuse are involved) then this IS the person who made you happy at one point. We are a nation of compulsive, instant gratification that thinks things should always go our way. When the novelty wears off and things get stale we think we should just 'move on' instead of working out our problems. We think someone else's promises of romance will pan out for us. THEY won't forget I love chocolate cake for my birthday. THEY will always buy me flowers on valentine's day. THEY won't drive me insane. But THEY will. trust me.

Great Expectations

2010-05-25T10:06:00.000-07:00

You know a wedding is expensive. Even a small scale ceremony is going to cost you a bit more than you thought. I often joke that anything-flowers, cake, candles-goes up 3x in expense when you add the word "wedding" in front of it! There are the known fees that you plan for: invitations, cake, dress, etc; but there are several fees you won't think of that can add up quickly. Below I break down the top 10 "hidden" fees involved in planning a wedding.

1. Venue Fees: Some venues require you to use THEIR items such as table linens, chairs, no drip candles that cost an additional fee other than the venue rental itself. Know all mandatory costs up front BEFORE you sign a contract!

2. Delivery Fees: Florists and rental companies want to make your life easier by delivering their goods to your ceremony location. They might even set everything up for you. Watch out for those "extras" because they will cost "extra" too!

3. Sales Tax: Check to see whether your vendor quote includes sales tax. If not, plan on adding anywhere between 6% and 10% on top of the number they gave you. On large items (like reception food and drinks) this can add up quickly and put you over budget!

4. Overtime Fees: Your photographer, DJ, and venues (and coordinator too!) will all clearly outline their hours . If you go over their time frame prepare to pay for it. They will be keeping a close watch on time, even if you aren't!

5. Guest List: Who comes to your wedding DOES matter! If Aunt Suzie brings an unexpected guest or two that means more food, and more drinks! Your $30 per person dinner is just that! Clearly outline whether bringing a guest is acceptable and how many someone may bring. You might think it's common courtesy to only bring one date, but some people don't follow society's rules-and you'll pay.

6. Wedding Party Gifts: Bridesmaids and Groomsmen deserve a token of your affection for participating in your special day. It doesn't have to be a pricey gift, but remember-whatever the cost multiply that by the number of attendants you have! Bigger bridal parties mean bigger gift budgets (and less expensive gifts!).

7. Cake Cutting Fee: This one will sneak up on you so WATCH YOUR CONTRACT. Most reception venues will charge this. It adds up-beware!!

8. Bar Set-Up Fee: Sure you can bring in your own booze to save money, but after they charge this fee and a corking fee you haven't saved a dime! Check into this before making an agreement. Always remember-your reception venue is making their money SOMEHOW.

9. Postage: Invitations-check, calligraphy-check, postage-err...
Postage is an after thought, but at $0.42 a pop your looking at another $126 if you send out 300 invites.

10. Gratuity: Just like you wouldn't go out to dinner if you couldn't afford to tip-you shouldn't hire a vendor if you can't afford the gratuity. It isn't a given though-your vendor should EARN a gratuity. Pay out according to the job done.

This isn't a complete list, and certainly at least one thing WILL surprise you no matter how informed you are-but, it's a start. Happy planning everyone!

You're ready for the wedding, are you ready for the marriage?

2010-03-29T07:17:00.000-07:00

Flowers, Check.
Dress, Check.
Venue, Check.
Minister, Check.
License, Check.
Wedding Party, Check.
Groom, Check.

After a while, wedding planning becomes almost a science. A series of fill-in-the-blank formulas that you have mastered. You go into the process all doe eyed and timid, but by wedding day you are a PRO (in fact many wedding planners get their start after successfully planning their own weddings). You couldn't be more ready for anything on that day. Then, just as quickly as it came, it left you. No more details to arrange, no more party to plan...now what?
Remember the saying "first comes love, then comes marriage"? There is a reason they didn't say "wedding". You see, the wedding is only a brief moment on your time line of life. The marriage is what lasts. A lot of girls I have met seem to confuse the two. They are ready for the wedding, but in NO WAY ready for the marriage. So how can you prepare yourself for the marriage when you are so consumed with wedding?

Step one: Talk.
Ask the important questions BEFORE you say "I Do". Talk about the future. Kids, Finances, Cars, Houses, Housework, Goals, and Dreams. Be on the same page and work through your differences. What do you envision for the next 5 years, 10 years, 20 years? Are your goals along the same path? How will you spend your free time as a married couple? Do you feel comfortable with your spouse going out with single friends? How will friendships of the opposite sex be handled? What are your expectations of a spouse? Better to know up front what your partner is expecting of you, and vice versa.

Step two: Think.
Think about what you want to gain from marriage and married life. WHY are you getting married? How will marriage enrich your life?

Step three: Pray.
Sure, you have said a prayer or two hoping it won't rain on your wedding day, but have you prayed for your future together? Put God in the driver's seat of your marriage and all things are possible. Pray for knowledge, strength, wisdom, and courage. Because no matter how great your union is, at some point you will need all 4. Remember, at some point things WILL fall apart. But through God you can overcome anything.

One thing that always clues me in to the couples who just want the wedding, and not the marriage, is that they do everything in their power to avoid counseling. Really, isn't it better to make it through pre-marital counseling than to have to go though marriage counseling later on?
Marriage is a life-long commitment. No one is without fault, and nothing is perfect. You will stumble, have trials and tribulations and you WILL want to give up at some point. But preparing yourself for that beforehand will make it easier to come through the other side minimally scathed.

Trust me.

20 do's and don'ts of a functoional relationship- By Eve Bernshaw

2010-03-18T10:22:00.000-07:00

1. Who you think you are is important. Like attracts like. Do you like who you are?

2. What you want in a relationship is important, and when you are willing to ask for it, you will be able to create it. But only ask for what you want when you are clear about what it is. Until then, don't go around demanding things you just think you should have.

3. We get exactly what we focus on. The problem or the solution. We make a choice between them with every decision we make.

4. Tell yourself the truth about what you want, not what others (family, friends, spouse) say you should have.

5. Tell everyone else your truth about what you want. Don't be afraid to share your vision and dreams with those you love.

6. You are not defined by your relationships unless you choose to be. Consider what it says about you if you deed over you soul to one.

7. Interdependent (two independent people) relationships are the only ones that work, long term.

8. Truth is the first thing necessary to create trust in our relationships. Respect is earned from trust, and love is earned from respect. Intimacy is the gift we get when we risk telling the truth.
* See the hierarchy of a functional relationship

9. Fear of intimacy is fear of the truth. Your truth is better for you than someone else's. Just get to know what it is, so you can finally own it, and speak it..

10. If your relationship is not getting better, it is probable getting worse. Life is dynamic and nothing ever stays the same.

11. Every relationship is unique. It takes what it takes to work. If you want it to work, you have to work it. No shortcuts. No 50/50 deals.

12. It's not your job to fix your mate, and it's not his or her job to fix you. Take the relationship and what your mate says at face value and stop reading into it what you'd like to hear. We can work with what's real. It's impossible to deal with what's not real.

13. Unconditional love is an inside job. If you haven't gotten it by now, guess what...start working from within. When you can give it to yourself, you'll be ready to give it to someone else. If you can give it to someone else, you'll recognize it when it's given to you.

14. If you both are committed to creating a functional relationship, agree to start doing it today, without any judgments about the past. Be willing to work in the solution and let go of your need to control the outcome, moment to moment, one day at a time. Joy can only be experienced in the present moment

15. Most of our fears about what may happen in this relationship are really fears we experienced in past relationships, and have nothing to do with this person. Come to grips with what's real and what's Memorex! .

16. When in an argument, ask yourself Does this really PASS THE SO WHAT TEST? For you to be right does the other person have to be wrong? Think about it. Life is short. Don't waste it on arguments that have no meaning or purpose. You can always agree to disagree if you need to.
Then laugh about it, and go on to the next thing. Start observing your need to argue as just another dysfunctional, immature habit that needs to be broken.

17. When we finally learn to say we are sorry (at 3 or 93) we get to finally hear we are O.K. To error is human, and there is great virtue in all forgiveness, ourselves included. The best way to teach our children this lesson is by watching us demonstrate it.

18. Any negative, hurtful or sarcastic remark is abusive. Like a sharp knife, each word will carve out a chunk of a loving relationship that can never grow back. Please consider the source and outcome of your remarks, before you open you mouth to tell your truth.

19. Never let a day go by without saying and showing how much your relationship and partner mean to you. Never take a moment for granted. Express how grateful you are for your good fortune, however meek or humble it may be. Appreciation and gratefulness have magic in them. It seems the more we express them, the more reasons we are given to say thank you.

20. To have a functional relationship you have to be willing to risk loosing it everyday, by telling your truth. If you don't feel free to tell your truth, start asking yourself why you think it's so important to stay, and what else you are willing to loose besides your self-esteem.

***For optimum results use these tips within the first 5 minutes of meeting someone.

Knoxville Fairytale Wedding

2010-03-17T13:32:00.000-07:00

I just stumbled across the most beautiful location for a ceremony/ reception (or both!) in the Knoxville area. Check out the Knoxville Botanical Gardens (http://www.knoxgarden.org/facility-rental.html). Rental runs about $1000, with a max of $2000 for the day,(great for hosting both ceremony and reception!)and you can provide your own catering (HUGE money saver!!!).

Think of the photo opts:

Photo courtesy of Nancy Hellsten Photography
www.nancyhellsten.com

“Beyond talent lie all the usual words: discipline, love, luck -- but, most of all, endurance.”

2010-03-17T10:19:00.000-07:00

Just a couple of the many talented people I know! If you need help selecting a particular vendor enlist my help! I refer brides to vendors based on personality fit and the way the vendor's style complements the style of the wedding.

These two lovely ladies are both very talented at what they do. Check them out!

Arlyne VanHook Photography
www.arlynevanhook.com
Cleveland, TN
arlyne@arlynevanhook.com
423.432.7192

Angela R. Make-up Artist
angelarmakeupartist@yahoo.com
http://www.wix.com/AngelaRMakeupArtist/AngelaRMakeupArtist

Say 'Auf Wiedersehen' to that big bauble

2010-03-04T07:09:00.000-08:00

Yep you heard me. You're either 'in' or you're 'out' and they are out (for give my Project Runway plug-I am just super stoked about this season!). "They" being huge engagement rings. In an article published today on Stylelist "At least that's the word from New York City brides, who have replaced their rocks with simple wedding bands to be avoid being judged, they tell the New York Post.Yep -- apparently having a doorknob on your ring finger is kinda tacky. Who knew?"

Many gals in NYC are opting to go only with their wedding bands post-nuptial to avoid being judged. Sometimes it's the fear of being "sized" up, and sometimes you just don't want to sport that ring that your well-meaning (albeit jewelry challenged)man picked out.

So what's your take? To sport, or not to sport the diamond after "I Do"?

For the record, I always wear my engagement and wedding band as a set. I say, if you have diamonds in your jewelry box, why not?

Guilty Pleasure

2010-03-04T05:46:00.000-08:00

Wedding Astrology----

Written by Judi Vitale

Whether you believe the stars can predict your future, or whether you read them for fun, we’ve all done it. Find the date of your wedding below and see what the stars hold.

There will always be so much to prepare before a wedding, but probably the biggest decision you're going to make will be choosing the date. Acquiring the right facilities, clerics or judges, working around other people's schedules, hitting the right timing for your honeymoon and dealing with at least 100 other factors figure in to the reasons why one date stands out as "yours." Whether you've already selected one, you've already been down the aisle or you're still thinking about it, astrology can help. Looking at which zodiac sign the Sun is in at the time of your wedding offers clues to what the big day -- and the marriage -- will be like. Use this astro-insight to set yourself on the right path toward "happily ever after!"

Aries Weddings (March 21 - April 19)
The fiery energy of Aries is the force that pushes life out of the dormancy of winter. It's an excellent time to get married, because love thrives in the fresh atmosphere of springtime. Making a pledge to be with one other person for the rest of your life is a big, bold step, and Aries supports the kind of courage that it takes to do this. Once this marriage gets off the ground, though, it's important to keep the relationship fresh and exciting. Anniversary getaways to spots that show spring blooming in all its glory will keep the sexy side of this union sizzling.

Taurus Weddings (April 20 - May 20)
For those who look at marriage as the next logical step in their relationship, the slow, steady and protective energy of Taurus makes it the perfect time of year to tie the knot. It is quite compatible with the concept of allowing no one to "set asunder" the bonds that are created during the ceremony, yet it also allows for a festive, indulgent spirit to prevail at the reception. As they go through life together, couples married under Taurus will be secure and happy. However, they'll always have to be wary of getting stuck in a rut. Sensuality will thrive when they take short, impromptu trips together and introduce an element of variety into their sex life.

Gemini Weddings (May 21 - June 20)
The busy-busy buzz that occurs during the Sun's visit to Gemini is totally perfect for weddings. The wedding preparations will probably come together all at once, but people can often be of two minds about their choices regarding wedding colors, flowers, food and transportation logistics. The Gemini marriage will be characterized by strong communication between the partners on both the verbal and physical levels.

Cancer Weddings (June 21 - July 22)
The spirit of the beginning of summer comes from the enjoyment of earth's bounty, so Cancer weddings are always about the food, desserts and the love of the couple, their families and friends. As two become one, the spirit of this domestically-oriented sign will emphasize the meaning of joining hands and hearts to create a new entity. Cancer couples often find themselves concerned more about their home, the children they may have and the way they interact with relatives than many of their peers. The trick to preserving passion is to demand time that's dedicated to just the two of them.

Leo Weddings (July 23 - August 22)
Leo's warm, flashy energy is perfect for drawing attention to the pomp and ceremony of weddings. People will go out of their way to honor the bride and groom, and the wedding may include elements of flourish that seem to treat them as royalty. There is sure to be a lot of down-to-earth fun, too. The Leo marriage will be a point of pride for both partners, and each will want the other to live up to high expectations -- both in and outside the bedroom.

Virgo Weddings (August 23 - September 22)
For those who want to celebrate the bounty of their love while the weather is still ultra-pleasant, the Sun's visit to earthy Virgo is a great time for weddings. The energy of this time is about re-organizing after the laid back months of the hot summer. Pushing toward the practical will give the Virgo wedding a strong focus and allow for the smooth execution of plans. A Virgo marriage will be characterized by the sense of duty that supports the love and passion between two people. When it comes to lifelong commitments, taking responsibility for one another is simply the right thing to do.

Libra Weddings (September 23 - October 22)
The romantic spirit of Libra is like no other. The whisper of chillier winds is instantly warmed by the bright colors and happy moods of people reaping the bounty of the harvest. Couples searching for richly hued backdrops and quiet, peaceful moods will enjoy getting married during this time. The Libra marriage will probably be marked by many discussions and controversies between life mates; but arguments can always be settled with true compromise.

Scorpio Weddings (October 23 - November 21)
The deep emotional atmosphere created by the Sun in Scorpio brings out passion in the whole wedding party. From sexy bridal fashion to sumptuous food, the idea of "excellence" is certain to come across in the ceremony and reception. The deeper, more transformative side of the bride and groom's relationship will be on display, and wedding guests will be interested in hearing the story of their love. In life, the couple married under Scorpio will like having a lot of private time so they can explore the joys of their sexual and spiritual connection.

Sagittarius Weddings (November 22 - December 21)
There probably isn't any more joyful wedding than the one that takes place while the Sun is in Sagittarius! The pure happiness that emanates from the happy couple will create contagious laughter among the wedding party and guests. A marriage formed under Sagittarius will produce a family that's always ready for adventure -- from trekking through the Himalayas to camping out in the backyard with the kids.

Capricorn Weddings (December 22 - January 19)
Getting married at the beginning of winter can be a lot of fun, whether the couple decides on destination nuptials in a tropical locale or a traditional wedding that coincides with seasonal family gatherings. Dignity is the key here, as that is the chief attribute of Capricorn. This doesn't mean there won't be a lot of laughs, though. The Capricorn marriage will take on some of the characteristics of a business relationship; the love life will be private, but far more passionate

Aquarius Weddings (January 20 - February 18)
The dead of winter might not seem to be the most warm and toasty setting, but to the couple that chooses this time to seal eternal love with a kiss, it's the most romantic moment of the year. It could, after all, be Valentine's Day! The wedding will feature unconventional elements, as the bride and groom strive to shock their families and guests out of the winter doldrums. The couple married under Aquarius will see the highest potential in one another, and work hard to bring it out, sexually and otherwise.

Pisces Weddings (February 19 - March 20)
The dreamy spirit the Sun in Pisces exudes can be perfect for the most romantic of dreamers. The hope of the approaching spring can feel as refreshing as Sleeping Beauty's magic kiss. The bride and groom will want to bring out the soft side of their love as they create a magical wedding for themselves and their loved ones. The couple married under Pisces may be dreamers, but everyone will admire their ability to go with the flow as they weather the seas of life.

A Real-Life Love "Letter"

2009-09-01T13:19:00.000-07:00

Okay, so maybe I don't need to look for my Mr. Big. Maybe he's been here all along. I woke up to this text message in my in box from my husband. He could never know the weight of his timing...

Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all - Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - Yes, unhappily it must be so - You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life - Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - At my age I need a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mail coach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once - Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.
ever thine
ever mine
ever ours

Oh, and p.s. YES I know he didn't write it. Haha. It's the Beethoven poem that Big emails Carrie in the Sex and the City movie, and at the end when they officially get married he whispers the "ever thine, ever mine, ever ours" in her ear. Beautiful.

And, to reform my previous statement, it looks like my husband DOES quote Sex and the City, so maybe all hope is not lost :)

New Vendors!

2009-08-11T07:33:00.000-07:00

From time to time I get the pleasure of meeting new wedding professionals in the area. But, just because I meet them, doesn't mean I recommend them! There has to be a certain chemistry that I know will make them pleasant to work with in the future. Someone who shares a brides ideals and isn't out just to make money. I, for one, only recommend someone who is a perfect fit for my bride, not a perfect business opportunity for a friend. So, in keeping with that context I would like to share a few new vendors that I believe are truly in it to help brides.

New Reception Location:
Loose Cannon Art Gallery
1800A Rossville Ave
Chattanooga, TN 37408-1912
(423) 648-0992
www. loosecannonartandevents.com

Great, affordable location!

New Videographer:
Kelcurt Media
423.843.3176
www.kelcurtmedia.com

Very professional, contemporary style!

New Wholesale Florist:
The Flower Shop
5711 Main St
Ooltewah, TN 37363-8713
(423) 396-3792
See Sharon

Can do catering, linens and more!

Not every vendor is going to be perfect for every wedding. If you need assistance in locating the perfect vendor for you, send me an email and I would be happy to help!

Clutter Queen Strikes Again!

2009-05-07T17:55:00.000-07:00

So what's the best way to screw up all of your plans? Lose your head---errr---contracts. There is so much to keep up with when planning a wedding. It's almost like managing a small business! So what have I found? The Ultimate Wedding Planner (and no, I'm not talking about me for once!). You can find this jewel at www.seejanework.com (my FAVE office supply store). Yes, it will run you about $100, but think of the return on investment! For everyone who just groaned at my unattainable product, have heart, you too can have an Ultimate Wedding Planner!
The DIY version:
A sturdy binder
organizational tabs (you can label yourself with MS Word)
-Tabs to include:
-Wedding Venue
-Reception Venue
-F&B (food and beverage)
-Cake
-Flowers
-Dresses
-Tuxes
-Hair and make-up
-Photography
-Videography
-DJ/ Musicians
-Stationary (Save the Dates, Invitations, Programs, etc.)
Obviously you will want to customize tabs to suit your wedding. You may need more or less depending on your vendors. The idea of keeping everything together is a brilliant one, isn't it?

Ultimately it's YOUR day.

2009-04-03T06:36:00.000-07:00

A lot of brides come to me with questions. What flowers should I get, do you like this color for my bridesmaid dresses, what music should the harpist play as I walk down the aisle? Yes, those questions. And I always want to know why they are asking me! I mean, yes, I can tell you popular choices, and things that are currently trendy. I can tell you which shade of peach will match more closely with your floral arrangement, and I can tell you which songs are traditional vs. contemporary. But I am not YOU. I do not know your tastes and your loves, and this day is all about you! Go with what your heart tells you. If you love coral, but your FMIL hates it, so what? It's your day! Don't get me wrong, I am ALL about helping bride make great choices, but I feel along the way it becomes about pleasing the guest more than celebrating the bride and groom.

You do have to realize that you will have to live with your choices for the rest of your life. You will only have one wedding (I live in the optimistic world) and you will remember it forever. I say this repeatedly, but don't skimp on certain vendors. Photography is KEY. After the wedding you have memories and photos, and if your photos are from Aunt Bettie's Kodak ten years from now you can't go back and change that. There are ways to save money and find discounts, but hiring out a family member who is not a professional, isn't one! Also, think about the wedding day. Do you want to be the one dealing with florists, caterers, ministers, and so on? Another reason not to hire Aunt Bettie. Family members say they want to help, so why not have them coordinate everything? There's an easy way to save money! Wrong. Easy way to get charged more and deal with more stress!!! Vendors will charge you for their time and hassle if things don't go according to plan. If Aunt Bettie isn't on top of things it could end up costing you more in the end. Plus, do you know who is supposed to be third in the processional? Neither does she. Just a thought to keep in mind: vendors love working with other professionals, not crazy family members. We love your Aunt Bettie as much as you do, but on the wedding day she will be more stressed about everything than a professional would because she knows your day falls on her shoulders.

Ultimately it's YOUR day. Do what you want, choose what you wish, and love every second of it. You have ONE wedding day to remember FOREVER. Make it special, and don't let rookie mistakes ruin it :)

All's fair in Love and Marriage

2009-03-30T11:44:00.000-07:00

Oh, your wedding. You spend countless hours planning it, countless dollars funding it, and you just can't wait to eat your cake and head to the Caribbean. Then it's over and you're officially a Mrs. "Wedded Bliss here I come"! But, a few weeks pass by and the laundry piles up, the bills are left unpaid, and the piles of dishes need their own zip code. The days of the 50's housewife are gone; you are a full-force, full-time working woman! So, it begs the question, who does the work (never thought about planning this part out prior to the "I do" huh...)? The simple answer is divvy it up. Who is better at what chore? Who hates a particular chore that the other doesn't mind? But things aren't always simple. I work full time and take care of our child in my "spare time" and my husband works 12 hours a day, EVERY day. When is there time left to do anything? And where did my sanity go while trying to get something done? My new sanity relief? Realize that you CAN'T DO EVERYTHING!!! You hire out childcare when you work full-time, why not hire out a housekeeper? Bottom line? It's better to work it into your budget than to fight about it. And really, you spent how many thousands of dollars on your wedding? Whats a couple of hundred a month to ensure that you keep the marriage? I mean really?

Okay, I know it may not be a feasible solution for everyone, but if you can invest in it, I suggest it. Check out craigslist for an affordable person or company. Make sure that you meet the person in person and that you check references (they will be in your house after all!). My point is that sometimes a little help goes a long way in the life of your marriage. I can't even begin to tell you how it has helped mine, and she doesn't even start until Wednesday! Sometimes knowing help is on the way is the biggest relief imaginable!

We hire out help to plan our weddings, and there is nothing wrong with hiring out help to manage our lives. Sometimes the best advice to ask for help (whether it be from a cleaning service, your mom or your husband!).

Is your wedding trendy?

2009-02-19T09:41:00.001-08:00

It never fails that each new year brings a new wedding trend into the mix. It seems what was big 5 years ago, is now relatively obsolete. "June Brides" have disappeared to make way for the "Fabulous Fall Wedding" and big budget Saturday blow outs have become TGIF bashes. Here is a list of some of the most current wedding trends for 2009. Keep in mind, though, that your wedding is a special reflection of you, your groom, and your collective tastes. Don't be overly trendy, be yourself!

2009 trends
-Friday evening weddings
-Jewel tones for wedding colors (think rich amethyst, bronze, and emerald)
-Outdoor ceremonies
-Smaller two tiered cakes
-Honeymoon destinations within the US
-Wedding colors in patterns (paisley linens-yes!)
-The princess ball gown is back!!!
-Creative lighting like chandeliers
-Gray as a secondary wedding color (amethyst and gray will be the reigning choice)
-Modern (RE WEARABLE!) bridesmaid dresses (no more taffeta! Think sleek strapless number)
-1920's vintage style themes

One not so great trend:
DIY photography.
I know we are all looking for ways to cut corners in this economy. But, just because Aunt Suzie or Cousin Carl took a photography lesson once in college and has a digital camera, doesn't mean that your decision is made. Long after the vows, first dance and cake, all you have left is your marriage and your memories. A huge part of those memories are photographs. I STILL pull out my coffee table book to look at my pictures and I will never regret using a PROFESSIONAL photographer. The nostalgia that comes with a great photo cannot be replaced.

If you need a great photographer, I recommend Bill Shipley Photography. He has done many notable photoshoots with Sports Illustrated, and many beautiful weddings. You can find more information at www.shipleyphoto.com.

Ashley Witzel Weddings

2009-01-09T12:15:00.000-08:00

Hello all!
If you are looking for someone to coordinate your wedding (anything to get the stress away from you, right?) please send me an e-mail and I would be happy to help. My address is Mrs.witzel@gmail.com. Ask about special discounts for those getting married at Second Presbyterian Church, having their reception at the Doubletree Hotel in Chattanooga, or those using Bill Shipley Photo Design (The Preferred Vendor Program). You can also visit ashleywitzelweddings.com for more info.

Happy Wedding Season!
Ashley

we are the only ones who feel it....so let it last

2008-11-18T14:07:00.000-08:00

"Hands Down"
Dashboard Confessional

Breathe in for luck,
breathe in so deep,
this air is blessed,
you share with me.
This night is wild,
so calm and dull,
these hearts they race,
from self control.
Your legs are smooth,
as they graze mine,
we're doing fine,
we're doing nothing at all.

My hopes are so high,
that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me,
so I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst,
to break or bury,
or wear as jewelery,
which ever you prefer.

The words are hushed lets not get busted;
just lay entwined here, undiscovered.
Safe in here from all the stupid questions.
"hey did you get some?"
Man, that is so dumb.
Stay quiet, stay near, stay close they can't hear...
so we can get some.

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me, so I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst,
to break or bury, or wear as jewelery,
which ever you prefer.

Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember,
I'll always remember the sound of the stereo,
the dim of the soft lights,
the scent of your hair that you twirled in your fingers
and the time on the clock when we realized it's so late
and this walk that we shared together.
The streets were wet
and the gate was locked so I jumped it,
and I let you in.
And you stood at your door with your hands on my waist
and you kissed me like you meant it.
And I knew that you meant it,
that you meant it,
that you meant it,
and I knew,
that you meant it,
that you meant it.

I love this song and the distant memories it brings back. Things will never again feel the way they did in high school driving to the Smoky Mountains and pulling off on a vacant trail. Or kissing in the snow on a flurry filled day. Or a cold winter day sitting in the hot tub.

But, you know what? Nothing feels better than spending all day doing nothing but watching movies and drinking cocoa and getting that same electric feeling. Knowing that they have seen you inside and out and still love every part of you. The anticipation is gone, but the love remains constant. I believe you can have romantic, committed love, no matter what the experts say. Because I have it. Everyday isn't written from a romance novel, but coming home when I am sick to a clean house makes me the happiest girl in the world. Remembering the little things that I love (or am too anal not to love) and doing things you hate because you care so much about me.

I will never forget those high school feelings. Ever. They define who I am today. And while high school love is fun there is a different level of love out there. And sometimes you don't have that level of love for a while because it takes a level of maturity to get to that type of love.

This deeper love is one where you can completely be yourself all of the time. You don't compromise who you are to make someone happy, because they are happiest when you are yourself. One where you rely on each other for love and support, but not for every aspect of your happiness. One where you grow and change together, never leaving the other person behind, or leaving them out of what you are feeling. It can be hard to let go of the wrong people, but you have to in order to get to the right one. I'm no expert on love, and I haven't had a ton of relationships from which to draw this knowledge, but I think the few loves I've had have been great ones. And the one I have now? Priceless.

"Drink to all that we have lost
Mistakes we have made
Everything will change
But love remains the same"

A beautiful mess...

2008-11-14T05:48:00.000-08:00

Relationships are messy. The longer you are in one, the messier it gets. I recently learned of a girl who was in a six-year, live-in relationship with a man who had just proposed. She was elated that she finally got the ring, but she was also recounting all of the disappointments she had faced in their 6 years and the hurt she had experienced from his taking her for granted and some personal choices that had made with which she could not agree.. To the outside looking in it was obvious that she shouldn't marry this man, yet she still wanted to marry him. Do our brains become re-wired when we enter the live-in phase of a relationship? You get that sense of coupledom that others don't get. You feel married and like the ring is already on your finger, so you alter your life to fit accordingly. She had so much invested within those 6 years, and saying "no" just wasn't an option. My bottom line to her was "People do not change unless they recognize a problem and WANT to change." It's true. If he is acting discourteous to her now, he will ten years from now. Sometimes you have to go out on a limb and do what's best for YOU, even if that's not what's best for "us".

That advice is part of my real girl's guide to staying happy, not necessarily getting hitched!

Reflection

2008-11-11T17:14:00.000-08:00

A few months ago I recovered from the most frustrating thing a new mother could go through--post partum depression. Imagine this time in your life where everything is supposed to be happy and fulfilling and all you want to do is jump off a cliff every second of every day. It was hard, but I can only imagine what my husband went through. It greatly affected his ego (for not being able to help, or for that matter not being able to get ANYTHING right for over a year!) and I know picking up my slack wasn't easy. I am reminded of the strength of our relationship when I hear "Not Myself" by John Mayer. He DID want me when I wasn't myself, as hard as I imagine it was. I guess we all go through times when we aren't ourselves, whether it's the stress of planning a wedding, a mid-life crisis, or the stress of a new baby. I just pray that you have a partner as understanding and loving as mine to help you through it. And likewise, I pray that I can be that person the day I am needed.

Love isn't perfect. We are not perfect. Perfection is boring.
Do your best. Live your life. And LOVE with your entire heart. Always.

"Not Myself"
Suppose I said
I am on my best behavior
there are times
I lose my worried mind

Would you want me when I'm not myself?
Wait it out while I am someone else?

Suppose I said
Colors change for no good reason
words will go
From poetry to prose

Would you want me when I'm not myself?
Wait it out while I am someone else?

And I, in time, will come around, come around
I always do for you

Suppose I said
You're my saving grace?

My grace
My self
My myself and I...
When I'm someone else
When I'm someone else
When I'm someone else
When I'm not myself
Myself
Myself

Until Divorce do us part...

2008-10-30T07:15:00.000-07:00

I know the topic of my blog is marriage, happiness, weddings and so forth, but within the topic of marriage there lies a subtopic of divorce. Some pessimists see it as the inevitable, some see it as a statistic, and some see it as a part of life. But can divorce be avoided?

You love him right? Well, you wouldn't marry without love (I hope), but relationships take a lot more than love to survive. Relationships take respect, loyalty, and work to keep them alive. Work. Nobody likes that word because it brings a long negative connotations. How much work is normal? How much is necessary? How much is crossing the line into codependency. Admittedly, I ask myself these questions pretty often. How do you know that your relationship has the right balance of work? Is one partner doing all of the working? Does one partner have a problem or a vice that prevents him/her from working on the relationship, therefore further tarnishing it? I don't think divorce falls out of the sky. People don't wake up one day and say "you know what, I'd rather be single, let's get a divorce". So what leads us down that path?

A threat, whether you are willing to follow through or not, can be a very powerful thing. Just introducing the threat of divorce into your marriage makes you more likely to get one down the line. If you go in with the "team" mindset and decide early on that you are in it for life and will NOT talk divorce, you have a better chance of working things out. If you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you will be with this person forever, you are more likely to try and fix any problems that arise because you don't want to have that problem forever. If you think that you can divorce when things get bad you are less likely to work on the problems you face, rather, you will just walk out on them and in turn walk out on your marriage. Threatening to divorce your spouse is a dangerous thing, even if you don't mean it. You might unintentionally end up alone because s/he is over your threats. The threat hurts at first, but each time you hear it you build up an immunity against the pain. Eventually, you distance yourself from your emotions and it become more like a business decision than anything.

I guess there isn't really a rhyme or reason to this post except to state that divorce is avoidable. I recommend the book :The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman for EVERY couple. This book teaches you to recognize your love style as well as your partner's love style. You need to know how you and your partner like to give and receive love, so that you can do just that. Marriage is all about giving and receiving love. No more, no less, no divorce.

Non Traditional Wedding Music (Because you are an individual, aren't you?)

2008-09-12T13:00:00.000-07:00

So, I will admit, there was nothing traditional about my wedding. I am all for tradition, and I think church weddings that have the wedding march are beautiful, but they aren't me...or my husband. So I decided to compile (yes, compile, not necessarily write) a list of some alternatives to the traditional "Here comes the bride". I think you should choose wedding music that means something to you. The song I walked down the "Aisle" (it was an outdoor wedding) was "Forever" by Ben Harper. It was perfect. So, now it is time for you to find your perfect song.

The Luckiest by Ben Folds
In My Life by the Beatles
The Ludlows from the movie "Legends of the Fall" (watch it...it has Brad Pitt!)
The Prayer by Josh Groban (and many others)
A Twist in my Story by Secondhand Serenade
At Last by Etta James or Sunday Kind of Love
and of course Canon in D by Pacabel

I will add to this list as I am inspired; feel free to comment with more.

The perfect "pre-wedding" song

2008-08-22T05:53:00.000-07:00

This is a great song for anyone who is about to get married. It really sums up your emotions, at least it did for me. I know this is my second post that involves Secondhand Serenade, but they really are amazing. If you haven't already, you need to download them on Itunes.

Share with me the blankets that your wrapped in
because its cold outside cold outside its cold outside
share with me the secrets that you kept in
because its cold inside cold inside its cold inside

and your slowly shaking finger tips
show that your scared like me so
let's pretend we're alone
and I know you may be scared
and I know were unprepared
but I don't care

tell me tell me
what makes you think that you are invincible
I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure
please don't tell me that I am the only one that's vulnerable
impossible

I was born to tell you I love you
isn't that a song already
I get a B in originality
and it's true I cant go on without you
your smile makes me see clearer
if you could only see in the mirror what I see

and your slowly shaking finger tips
show that your scared like me so
let's pretend we're alone
and I know you may be scared
and I know were unprepared
but I don't care

tell me tell me
what makes you think that you are invincible
I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure
please don't tell me that I am the only one that's vulnerable
impossible

slow down girl your not going anywhere
just wait around and see
maybe I am much more you never no what lies ahead
I promise I can be anyone I can be anything
just because you were hurt doesn't mean you shouldn't bleed
I can be anyone anything I promise I can be what you need

tell me tell me
what makes you think that you are invincible
I can see it in your eyes that your so sure
please don't tell me that I am the only one that's vulnerable
impossible

wedded bliss...on a budget

2008-08-08T16:17:00.000-07:00

So you get engaged (finally!) and you are ready to begin planning that fairytale wedding you have dreamed about since you were six. The gorgeous gown, beautiful bouquets and a cake big enough to feed all 400 guests that you must invite. Then reality sets in a you realize the cost of a wedding. There is a way! Below are some helpful tips to planning a wedding on a budget.

1. Location, Location, Location-Think about where you want to get married. Indoors, outdoors, on a plane, in a train...then find a way to scale it down. If you do you ceremony and reception at the same place you can get a better deal. Also, outdoor ceremonies are becoming increasingly popular and practical budget wise. Our wedding was in a park square in Savannah, GA, and it wasn't free but it didn't cost us more than $300 and that included the policeman we had to pay to guard the area.

2. When is that wedding again?- When you are picking the date you might choose a date that has sentimental value to you and your fiancee, but most people head for the closest Saturday in the month of their choosing. Before you commit yourself to that expense consider what time of day you want to wed. If you want an afternoon wedding, why not a Sunday afternoon wedding, and if you prefer evening why not a Friday evening? Friday and Sunday and days through the week are MUCH cheaper than Saturday because Saturday is so in demand for weddings. Why not do something different?

3. Photography- A lot of couples will forgo pictures if they think it will break the bank, which is a HUGE no no. You will want those memories, and a disposable Kodak isn't going to cut it. Find an amateur photographer who goes to the local college. They will have the know-how but won't charge you an extreme amount. Or try to find someone just starting out in the professional world. A lot of times they will do it for free just to get it on the resume. It never hurts to ask for samples of their work though. Every photographer should be able to provide you with a portfolio.

4. Decorations- rent, rent, rent! You do not need a candelabra in your home! You can rent everything from bows to linen, and what you can't rent you can make yourself on the cheap. Also, consider using a space that doesn't need a lot of dressing up, like a church with stained glass windows, or a historical reception hall. Remember simple is beautiful.

5. Food- Many reception halls have a food and beverage minimum, so it's hard to skimp on this one, but if they don't then make wise food choices. Choose several appetizers instead of doing an entree for everyone. Also, consider the number of guests you invite. Wedding food is a per person charge so at $15 per person...you do the math! If you wish to serve alcohol, remember that you are the host. While a cash bar may sound tempting to those on a budget, to your guests its a bit tacky. You shouldn't have to foot the bill for your twice removed lush of an uncle either. Compromise the situation by having a set number of included drinks for the guest (any drink they want) and have the bar tender let the guests know. Make sure it is an amount of drinks that would cover most peoples consumption, but after that stick to your limit. I think 4 drinks per guest is a sweet spot.

6. Flowers- This DIY project is tough with live flowers. If you can bear artificial bouquets, have at it...that will be a great source of saving money, but for the rest of us...what's a girl to do? Some of us are blessed to have family members that are or have been florists and can help us out. They get the flowers wholesale and put together your bouquets by hand. If Aunt Susie isn't florally inclined...get a florist to do it, you will be MUCH HAPPIER and LESS STRESSED. But, be wise. Choose simple arrangements and in season (and geographically available) flowers. Do some floral research before you go, a little knowledge goes a long way.

7. It's the little things- Make sure you know all of the charges you are incurring at each location. Is there a parking fee or a clean-up fee? Did you put down a deposit...and how do you get it back? Some reception locations charge a cake cutting fee. Beware of the little things, they add up fast. And anything you rent...return it on time. No need to add late charges to the tab.

8. Visit handy sites- Martha Stewart's website has a ton of helpful wedding DIY tips. Now, we all can't make our own wedding cakes, but we can make our own favors. Challenge yourself with a wedding project, you will feel so accomplished when it is done and beautiful!

9. Write it out!- If you don't write down your budget then how do you know what to spend? Allocate funds to each area (cake, dress, location, etc.). List them from most to least important, then decide what percentage of your budget that area should get. Decide what the actual figure is and you are ready to vendor shop. If you only have $1000.00 to spend on flowers, then maybe you can't go to the high-end florist and get a ton of arrangements. Have it on paper before you go.

10. Relax- Taking on too many DIY projects is stressful. Let family members help, but try not to take on too much, you will only worry about the outcome. The biggest key to saving money and getting discounts is asking. You never know what deals they can offer unless you ask.

Fall for you...all over again

2008-08-07T17:50:00.000-07:00

So I think in every relationship, whether married or dating, we hit low points. We are fighting, we aren't trusting, we are hurt. We think "could this be the end?" It doesn't have to be. I think too many of us take those marriage vows and say 'for better or for worse' with no intention of staying through the "worse". Oh, we mean well, but "if I fight too often with my spouse then it means we weren't meant to be together so we should divorce and be happy with other people". Surprisingly I have a lot of my married friends say they aren't sure if they should stick it out or not. Marriage isn't about "sticking it out" it is about being happy with the person you chose. For me, divorce isn't an option. I won't make it an option. I never went into this thing thinking I would just divorce if it didn't work out, because I want it to work out. In a loving, trusting relationship you can work through ANYTHING...and I do mean anything. Nothing is too big for love, even infidelity. By no means is my marriage perfect, I won't mislead you into thinking that at all. We argue, and we hurt each other, and lets face it, I have trust issues. But you know what, at the end of the day we truly love each other and we want it to work. We can forgive each other of anything, and would give all we have just to make the other happy. But when I am down on my relationship I think about the song "Fall For You" by Secondhand Serenade. I have posted the lyrics below. It's a good read, and if your like me it can inspire you to always strive for a better understanding of your partner. Every time I hear it (and it is all over the radio now, I would just like to say that I loved it before it was famous!) I reflect on falling for my husband all over again. As the old saying goes...read it and weep.

The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting
Could it be that we have been this way before
I know you don't think that I am trying
I know you're wearing thin down to the core

But hold your breathe
Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find

This is not what I intended
I always swore to you I'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed but I have loved you from the start

Oh, But hold your breathe
Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It's impossible
So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in
I'm yours to keep
And hold on to your words
Cause talk is cheap
And remember me tonight
When you're asleep

Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find

Tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find

A great love is impossible to find. If you have one, don't let it go over silly arguments. Learn to trust and most importantly forgive. Giving love is the key to receiving it, so give all of your love away.

The secret of men...

2008-07-30T09:42:00.000-07:00

If a Man Wants You

By: Salma Rumman

This advice was passed along to me from a counselor; it was great to hear so I wanted to share it.

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.

If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.

Allow your intuition to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that’s not meant to be.

Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can’t "be friends." A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.

Don’t settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don’t stay because you think "it will get better." You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who’ve got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.

If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man’s behavior. Change comes from within.

Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has

more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.

He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else’s man.

Oh Lord! If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you allow him to treat you.

All men are not dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street.

You need time to heal between relationships...There is nothing cute about baggage.

Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship. You should never look for someone to complete you. A relationship consists of two whole individuals. Look for someone complimentary, not supplementary.

Dating is fun; even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes.

When a man always know where you are, and you’re always readily available to him—he takes it for granted.

Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need.

www.ashleywitzelweddings.com

2008-07-16T19:23:00.000-07:00

Finally! My website {ashleywitzelweddings} is now somewhat ready for the public. This has been a long time in the making and I am thrilled to be able to show the [[world]] what I can do! I love love love weddings and I look forward to the opportunity to work with many brides that I meet through this website. I know it sounds cliche, but I want to thank my husband for his support. I wouldn't have even taken this baby step if it wasn't for him. He is always pushing me to reach my dreams!